Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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