She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize