All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize