I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
