a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
