In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
