In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
