I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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