Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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