the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
