like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
