There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need water and some morals
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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