So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
