I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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