Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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