i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
