who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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