I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
