my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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