my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize