his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
