Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
