so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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