Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
