So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
