Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
