is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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