someone threw a dead crab at me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
vagina is talking i cant
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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