soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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