Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
