I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
