I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
