The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
