dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
