he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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