sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
