I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
