She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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