and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
