are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize