That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
