I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
