My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so let's talk penis.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize