I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
