I'm drive I can fine osifer
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
