i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
