Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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