omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
