I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize