Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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