I don't usually arrange sex via text message
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
