you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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