theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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