Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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