Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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