hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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