i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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