i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
