How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
