just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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