don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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