Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
