I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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