How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
