Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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