Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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