You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
