I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
