some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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