Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dick very happy bro
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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