2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
birth control should be required to get into college
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
