my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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