yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize