Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
