He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't put those talents on a resume
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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