somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
