i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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