My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
