I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
