I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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