What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
