he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
