Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
