i permit you to call me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
