The maid of honor just puked.
i think i have herpe
just one?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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