i was born a porn star she said
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
