please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
